Sometimes I dreamt of turning back the clock and undo certain things in the past which I felt deserved a better outcome, or at the very least, a slightly different, perhaps improved alternative. Unfortunately, it ain’t happening. Otherwise, one can imagine what havoc an evil person like me could have invoked.
Having watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, it reminded me of a remark once made by my classmate when I was in high school – “Hey Meng Teck, we are experimenting a way to extract those memories you have in your brain so that they would be ours and wipe your database clean!”.
Of course, they were just joking. All they wanted were the answers to the exam questions which I WAS able to produce at great ease. And frankly, they actually put that in my graduation photo album. Show you guys next time yeah!
It is actually not such a bad thing. When you hold on to your bolster tightly at night and think of no one but that special someone whom you have lost, I think erasing that part of our memories does provide some comforting thoughts. When the pain gets unbearable, would one rather see his/her shadow in every corner and struggle to carry on living? Not everyone is capable of doing so, hence so many “sky-divers” who made it to the ground level so furiously that almost always, they left nightmares with children who witnessed their glorious departure.
Nevertheless, I wouldn’t want to spend another second living without knowing the sweetness of being in love, joy of growing in a relationship, despair in those heart breaking moments, and the lethargy of removing footprints left behind which sank so deep in my very being.
Could it have been easier should I have the capabilities of erasing them the way I press the delete button on my keyboard? Would I still tread on a journey I knew would have my heart shattered into fine shards at the end?
Yes, I would still choose to fall, if fall I must to see what lies before me. I might be bruised and wounded immeasurably, but that is simply because I allowed it in the first place, more than just willingly.
It’s not the destination that matters, it’s the journey that counts.
This, is my answer. *with bolster in my arms*